Major Career Change

       Good morning, in a way since it's 12:43 am in Arizona time.I know, I should be sound a sleep but I can't go to sleep. Insomnia sucks! I have nothing to do but rant about how I miss facebook. I disactivated facebook since 3 days ago. If you're wondering why, it's because I'm addicted to it. How sad right? But 10 more days to go until I can re-activate it and talk to all my friends again! Yes, I'm counting the days. I know, what a waste of time.
 
        Moving on, seven more days until I start college again! I'm so happy even if I'm going to community college. I also changed my major to special education pre-school teacher. I won't lie I feel kinda weird not doing fashion anymore but I perfer on impacting someone's life in a positive way. I love kids! They are our future generation and we have to guide/teach them what we know.

        You're probably asking "why teach special education?" My answer is they are gifts of gods who people don't really pay attention. Back in January o February, I saw this video on Yahoo about an angry father who uploaded a video on Youtube. The father was outraged and sickened by his autistic son's teachers. He had wired his son to see why the little boy had changed. Basically, the teachers bullied these innocent special ed. students. I was in disbelief and it got to me. I decided, I wanted to be a teacher to guide/protect them. I still think about it and every time I hear about something like that. it makes me mad and sad. These children shouldn't be treated like that. God made us all equal but man think they are inferior of others who aren't like them.

     I'm off to bed! Let me leave you the heart breaking video.

We are back!

            Yay! We're back! We as in Sophia and I. Yes, I already had my baby and she's adorable. 

I told you she is adorable(: 

             My daughter's name is Sophia Annette. She shares the same middle name as me because I want to start a tradition. I hope she continues my middle name or as a first name tradition. I gave birth to her a month after my birthday on March 9, 2012.  She weighed 7 pounds and 9 oz and her height was 19 inches. She was an average newborn.

Sophia Annette(L)

    On my next post, I'll post up pictures through out the time of her birth to now. Yesterday, She turned five months. My baby is growing up too fast and I'm loving/hating it.

Happy five month!

                                  

31 weeks and 4 days(L) / The Pregnancy Project

         I haven't been blogging at all since I was eighteen weeks. Now, I am thirty-one weeks and four days along my pregnancy. What have I've been doing these past sixteen weeks? Practically nothing! I'm ashamed of myself for doing nothing. Just help my mom out at home while she works all day. I clean, cook and help out with my little sister's while everyone is at college but it's my own fault for not doing my change of school for my fafsa.  Moving on for the moment.
         I really wanna talk about The Pregnancy Project from Lifetime Channel. Here is a brief summary about what the movies is about from the Lifetime Movie website.
          "In The Pregnancy Project, Gaby Rodriguez (Vega) is the brave 18-year-old high school student who forces her school and community to confront its prejudices and preconceptions about teen pregnancy — and makes national headlines in the process. The story begins with Gaby deciding that her senior project will be on stereotyping, which she decides to experience firsthand. Confiding in her mother Juana (Reyes), her boyfriend Jorge (Walter Perez) and a handful of others, Gaby begins her social experiment in which she tells her friends, family and teachers that she is pregnant. While her fake baby bump continues to grow over the next six and a half months, Gaby carefully records how she is treated and what is being said about her — for better and for worse — both in and out of school. With her project’s findings conclusive, Gaby emotionally addresses her fellow students and their teachers about stereotyping and teen pregnancy during a special school assembly and then shocks them by ripping off her padded “baby bump,” revealing she was never pregnant at all and teaching them a valuable lesson."


            I came across the movie trailer a couple of days ago and immediately had an urge to watch it. Oh boy , it had me tearing up every second of the movie. Everything she felt and experienced, I'm feeling and experiencing myself. She might have not been pregnant for reals but it still affected her. I'm not mad at her for doing this social experiment about how people stereotype pregnant teenage girls including myself because I know people talked about me. In fact, yesterday a "good" friend actually said it was okay of me to say my child was a mistake even if that person says it's not what he meant. It hurt bad because other people who don't know me actually judge me for getting pregnant at eighteen and calling my child a mistake.


          I'm starting to get emotional about my pregnancy. Need a moment....


       The movie just brought up all these emotions includig flashbacks, I've been hidding from everyone including my own mother.  When Gaby told her mom and boyfriend she was gonna fake her pregnancy, I instantly remembered when I found out I was pregnant. The day was August 7, 2011 around 11:20 to 11:30 am in Primo's restrooms , a fast-food resturant, with my cousins inside there.I cried my eyes out as I thought about my parents, grandparents and school. I felt so disappointed/ashamed of myself because I was always saying how it was never gonna happen to me since I considered myself "smart."


         In the movie, people instantly started talking behind her back and her family was disappointed in her. *flashback* I told my mom the following day after peeing on two other sticks and coming out positive. It was so hard to tell her but I needed my mom's reassurance of everything was gonna be okay if it was truely positive.I went to a Planned Parenthood clinic on Vermont Ave. in Los Angeles. I signed some papers, and waited to be called in. I felt like time was moving slowly while I waited. This nurse called me in, told me to pee in a cup then made me wait in a room. Seriously, time was moving slow. Afterwards, a male nurse came inside to tell me, I was indeed pregnant and 6 weeks and 5 days along. Oh! The disappointment/ shame I felt when he told me.
         
         My mom thought I was joking at first but she realized I wasn't. Typical, she started questioning me like a police officer but she reassured me everything was going to be okay. She's now all anxious for Sophia to get here.  My dad found out by my mom since they are in Arizona. Unlike my mom, he actually had the nerve to imply I can have an abortion. I was so pissed because I never expected that from him since he was raised by a very catholic father and mother. Then again, it never crossed my mind because I know I would not be able to handle the guilt of killing my own child. My own saying for abortion is "if your conscious is gonna be guilt free, go ahead and have an abortion but if you know you wont then don't even do it." My friends were all shocked like the rest of the people I knew or don't know. Thier reaction was also important but am glad, they were/ are still supporting me all the way. 


            Even though Gaby wasn't pregnant, she felt bad just like I did and sometimes do. It's not like I got pregnant on purpose. I honestly made a mistake by not using a condom and trusting the morning after-pill but now I know I'm that eleven percent of women that still can get pregnant. Do I regret my child? No because for some odd reason god/destiny wanted me to get pregnant now. My previous future plans was get my fashion design degree, career, maybe marriage then have kids or not get married and adopt a kid. It was never have a  baby at eighteen especially be a single mother and move back in with her mother while she waits for the baby to be born. I'll talk about baby daddy on another post, sometime this week or next maybe next next? Like I said before, I thought this would never happen to me because I myself would stereotype other pregnant girls but not to the extent of saying there life is not over. Any teenage mother can get thier G.E.D or finish high school then go to college and have a job while in college to have a better future. It's gonna be hard but that child is gonna be the reason for them to accomplish that goal. 


           I know some people we're/are saying I'm stupid, killed my future, another statistic...etc but there opinion doesn't matter. They're stereotyping someone who they don't truely know. Gaby made an excellent point on how life doesn't end because your pregnant but make it feel even more valuable to fight for. I guess I'm trying to say that even though I am pregnant, it's not gonna stop me from accomplishing every goal I have set up for myself. Yes, I know I wont be able to do some stuff I wanted to do like a non-pregnant eighteen year old but it's okay my life is not gonna end. I wanna go back to my high school reunion and be proud I finished my fashion deisgn career while raising a child. I'm going to make every person, who told me I wouldn't accomplish my goals, eat thier words. Just watch me!


           It's almost one o clock in the morning, Arizona time, so I'm gonna go to bed. I feel so much better for blogging about this. I know for a fact, I'll start blogging again. It's funny how my blog went from my teenage/ "fashion" life to pregnant life. Au Revoir!


          P.S. I love my child with all my heart! I'm happy I stuck to my decision of keeping her. She is a blessing from god who I will always be grateful. God has given me a chance to be a mother since many women can't. Even though, I'm young, I fully understand how there are gonna be moments when it gets hard but no matter what I will try to mak it better for both of us. She is gonna make me a better person in so many ways that some people will not. 


           

18 weeks(L)

I'm so sorry! I've been wanting to write on here but I never know what exactly to write. I do have plenty of what to say but i don't know if I should write about it. It's very personal and deep what I have been going thru since I found out I'm pregnant. I'm very happy and blessed for this baby even though I'm going thru an emotional roller coaster. I also thank god for giving me a supportive family and friends who are taking care of me and being on my ass twenty-four/ seven.

Perdoname! Desde ase tiempo que  e querido escribir aqui pero nose exactamente que escibir. Yo se que tengo mucho que platicar pero nose si escribirlo. Todo es bien personal y con todas las cosas que e pasado desde que me entere qu estiy embarazada. Yo estoy bien feliz y agradecida a dios por este bebe aunque este pasando por momentos emocionales. Tambien, agradesco a dios por darme familia y amiga(o)s que siempre me estan cuidando viente-cuarto/ siete.

 

4 months/meses<3

Summer quarter is over(; but back to Arizona:$

Is anyone there? Oh god, it has been 3 months since the last time I posted anything on here! So many things happend during those three months. Where do I begin? Lets begin with....

1. I'm pregnant! What?! Your kidding right? No, I am not even though I wished I was but sadly I aint. *sigh* I know, I'm fresh out of high school and going to my dream school but sometimes life throws us curve balls. A big dam curve ball in my opinion. I wasn't really thrilled at first. In fact, I felt disappointed in myself and felt I let everyone down. I mean I actually did but to my surprise everyone was supportive especially my family. I'm thankful god chose me to be a mother even if I'm barely eighteen but he knows why all this is happenning to me. I'm two months and a half pregnant with I have no clue if its a boy or girl. Hell not even if they're twins inside me which one of my lovely best friend keeps on telling me I am having twins. She is not funny.

2. Summer quarter is officially over in FIDM. I loved every minute I was in FIDM even though I struggled along the way.Okay, I only struggled in sketching class. *tear* I have no drawing talent but I did improve. I just saw I failed that class miserably. I knew it all along then again I had missed two classes which YOU SHOULD NEVER DO especially if your going to FIDM. I'm mad I also failed Industry Sewing because I almost passed the class. I can't blame anyone but myself because I didn't put much effort this quarter since everything that has been happening with the pregnancy and my life. Now, I have to break it to my mother that I or we have to pay $600 per failed class. Oh, she is gonna kill me. If I don't  post anything by next week, it's because she did.

3.  Sadly, I'm moving back to Arizona because I'm better off with my mother than over here. I do have family over here but they are an hour away from Los Angeles. Technally less but since my transportation is the metro/bus it takes almost an hour. I am coming back next fall quarter after I have the baby but my mother is coming along with me. This will make it easier for me when I go back to school and I will do good this time in my failed classes! Now, I'm off to pack my stuff! 

packing sucks

I'll make this quick because I need to pack for tomorrow. These past days, I've been packing my clothe, shoes, accessories, sewing machine, mannequins..etc.  I'll finally be on my way to Los Angeles tomorrow afternoon. I'm so excited, happy and sad but its all good.

Harre esto rapido porque tengo que seguir empacando para manana. Estos ultimos dias, me la e pasado empacando mi ropa, zapatos, accessorios, maquina de coser..etc. Por fin manana  estare en camino a Los Angeles en la tarde. Me siento emocionada, feliz y triste pero estoy bien.

Hello New Life, Goodbye Old LIfe

Yes, I know that I have been absent for a big while but moving on...guess who decided to start college or fashion school(in my case)?! *drumroll please* Me:D I don't think I ever mentioned I had gotten accepted to Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandise in Los Angeles. I was accepted for the fall quarter in October but my summer is not going good. It consists of me sitting down on the computer(facebook) 24/7 except when I go out,  doing nothing, and Yuma doesn't want to give me work even though some stores need people. Maybe its because I lack experience since I've never worked in my short eighteen years of life. If they don't give me work, how am I going to get experience...okay so moving on...
  
      Last week, I kinda butted heads with my madre because I was complaining about doing nothing and she left to go somewhere. Istarted thinking about I should just start fashion school in the summer and I ocntacted my advisor. She said that if my mom was okay with it, I could. I talked to my mom and she gave the okay go ahead sign. I called my advisor who clicked away in her computer and I'm in the summer quarter. Now, I'm here counting down the days for June 30th when I'll be heading down to Los Angeles with my mom and grandma:D I just know I'm gonna cry my heart out when I am on my way:$ hehe

Ya se que tengo como mil anios que no me comunico por aqui. Adivinen quien empezara la escuela de modas tres meses antes? Ahmm se me ase que ni les dije que me acceptaron en Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandise o mejor dicho una escuela de modas en Los Angeles. Me acceptaron para entrar en el trimestre del otonio de este anio pero mi verano esta muy aburrido. Nomas me la paso en el facebook 24/7 asiendo nada todo el santo dia y Yuma ni trabajo me quiere dar y segun las tiendas ocupan gente. No me dan trabajo porque no tengo experencia como no e trabajo en toda mi vida pero si no me dan como quieren que agarre experencia?!...okay a seguirle con mi historia.

La semana pasada me medio pelie con mi madre porque me estava quejando que no hasia nada en todo el santo dia. Me puse a pensar que deberia entrar este trimestre del verano y contacte a mi consegera. Me dijo que si podia y nomas le pidiera permiso a mi mama. Hable con mi madre y me dijo que si despues me contacte de nuevo con ella. Nomas hiso unas cosas en su compu y tada, ya estoy en el trimestre del verano. Por el momento estoy esperando que llegue el dia 30 de Junio porque me ire para Los Angeles. Me llevara mi madre y abuela y no te agarrantizo que yo vaya llorando por todo el camino:$ hahaha